43. San Diego 1 Year Reunion

San Diego was January, I'm sitting here in Texas on a tranquil ranch 3 months later writing about it- with these chapters it feels best to have had these buffer months to reflect and now write. No exaggeration, 3 months seems like a year ago.

During all that craziness in Zephyrhills, FL, I was constantly trying to figure out what I wanted for work after all that traveling. Going back to a corporate job seemed impossible after such a free year. Working as a full time skydive instructor seemed overwhelming after living a super rough version of dropzone life and now craving a steady income. A Marketing Manager position with Skydive Perris (CA) and Flight-1 (FL) came up. Perris offered to fly me to CA so I got on a round trip ticket from Tampa to San Diego Jan 3. It seemed logical- combine my business background with skydiving. Wrong!

The ticket was booked for a 3 day trip to return to Zephyrhills- little did I know I'd end up staying in SD for 3 weeks, never returning there. I thank every single one of my friends who supported me in those weeks- recovering from the Zephyrhills experience, sorting through the next step and getting a healthy dose of comfort with my best friends.

Here are the best of the memories which show the story of those 3 weeks:

My best friend Amy from U of A picked me up at the SD airport to have a MUCH NEEDED girls night. She had a huge care package made for me, immediately making me feel welcome back home. Champagne popping! She has an unreal gift of generosity and thoughtfulness. We walked from her apartment to my old neighborhood, Little Italy for the night.

The second night there, Amy and her boyfriend had a house warming party. It felt amazing to be able to be back for something that was so important to them- and also get dressed up again, make girly drinks, take pictures and have that comforting feeling of my old life there. All of our best friends came over and it was a huge reunion.

Night 3 which then led into 2 weeks, I spent at my friend Steph's house. She gave me my own room and welcomed me into the whole house. Usually a super clean person, I immediately spread out all the belongings my 4 suitcases, having the relief of a room I could call my own while figuring out the next life step. The time there had comforting morning sunshine coffee, relaxing wine nights, cooking, life talks and cuddles. Steph had seen me through it all and provided the biggest support letting me stay there.

I interviewed with Skydive Perris day 3 of being back in SD. On paper it sounded perfect- a salary job, being back home, using my business career background, being in the skydiving world with a huge industry name, and work for my boyfriend. Through the year of traveling, I have gained an unreal sense of trusting my gut and actually listening to it. With the highest respect for people at that dropzone, it was a situation where I went, interviewed and my gut told me NO, this does feel right. With no other job offer on the table, I turned down the opportunity with them out of pure gut intuition. That left me there in San Diego, no idea where I was going, no job offer, a relationship that felt ruined. Yet there was still a light in me that remembered the power of my dream and knew my strength from the year away.

I loved those moments where I'd be in a familiar place in San Diego, a place that previously was special to me and be like, "I feel a MILLION times better now being here than before"- confidence, believing in myself, self respect, self love, inspiration, passion- all huge gains from the year of traveling.

One morning at 5 am, my skydiving girlfriends Steph, Em and me got up at 5 am to go hike Mt. Soledad at sunrise. The 3 of us used to be especially close, had traveled together to my first stop in this trip, Puerto Rico, had supported each other in our skydiving dreams, yet had drifted the past year. The peace and love in that morning was amazing for all of us.

While there, the last blow happened to the relationship that had been the center of the past 9 months. A goal of this blog is being personal enough to give the true story but also to not give away super private things about me or relationships. After that last final straw, I was sent beautiful roses, in a vase with our picture on it. I treasured those roses and brought them to each house I stayed. I feel it symbolized the beauty in the love we had- but paired with the final straw - was a case of love not always being enough. With that, I write the last words of that relationship. There were a few rollercoasters after that but I believe I was back in SD to be strong enough to make healthy choices and break away. Privacy part added here to not share the details <3

One of my best friends, Char, had her first baby while I was gone that year. They welcomed me into their home for a few nights where I had the most special time with their baby David. In such a crazy life time, it was incredibly comforting to spend that time getting to know such a special little guy.

After turning down the job at Skydive Perris, I decided to stay in San Diego until I figured out the next step. I refused to go back to Zephyrhills and it was time to decide what I was doing next. I got an offer from Flight-1 as the Marketing Manager in Florida. My gut again said this is not it but I needed a next step and money. There were enough positives to make it seem worth the try.

With this decision, I went back to my storage unit after a year to get some extra things for the FL move. It was like an opening a huge box to my old life, my old self, the life there I had worked SO hard to build. My bedding, jewelry boxes, towels, picture frames- the personal things that made it all so hard to open up that unit and then close it all back up, only taking clothes. I had learned to not be materialistic but those very personal items killed me to leave again.

My "big brother" Alex has been a person who has stood by me through all the skydiving learning and life growth. Once again he supported me, lending me his car for the 3 weeks. He has accomplished everything with all types of flying- most recently his tandem in paragliding. We hiked my favorite mountain above Skydive San Diego on the most beautiful sunny "winter"day. The peace and reflection in that hike has no words. We soared in the air for over an hour, with a landing at my home dropzone, SDSD.

The last few nights I stayed with another best friend Katie in my old, old neighborhood, Pacific Beach. She lives right next to where I lived during a really big chapter of mine in San Diego. I had never returned back to that home but finally had the strength to walk over there for closure- a place we called Woodbridge ;) I sat outside for over an hour in the rain and then ran the bayside path which used to be my favorite. My roommate from there, Bridget, and I then walked the path the next day- her just returning from Australia. I had no idea after so long that I needed more peace to that chapter but I got an immense sense of relief being back there.

Torrey Pines hikes- my all time favorite place in San Diego. I hiked with Katie the day I said no to Perris and then also with Steph on a Saturday morning. It is the most centering, calming, happy place.

The last night I was in SD, Katie, Amy and I went to my favorite Pacific Beach restaurant where they treated me to a glass of wine and we toasted to the next chapter. They are both best friends from college and added to the strength into the next step.

The morning I had my flight for San Diego, I got up early at Katie's to run along my favorite waterside path, run to the ocean and sip coffee looking over the water. While I wasn't assured about the job, and it felt challenging to leave San Diego again, my gut feeling told me it was the right move to adventure on past the comfort of San Diego. It might sound out there, but that morning, I felt this amazing outdoors energy supporting me to keep fighting for my dream, to be strong in the next step. Okay, so yes, as the plane took off, I admit tears came pouring out, but I knew it was the right move- keep moving, keep fighting.