42. Homeless Life: 1 Week Turns Into 2 Months

I've sat down to write this post at least 5 times- writing, deleting, staring at my computer, nothing. When I started this whole Blue Sky Champagne thing, I promised to be real: the hard times in addition to all the highs. This is the chapter that is the hardest to write about so far. Bare with me as I try to tell it real while also showing our strength, how we preservied through literal bone breaking days, how it was love that ended up getting us through each day. Okay, 1 paragraph done, keep writing.

Thursday I finished my AFFI rating, on a total high. Friday, I broke the 1st bone in my life- the wrist I use to pull my parachute. No, not from skydiving. With that break, everything changed. I feel the Spain robbery was the start of the downhill, the broken wrist excelerated that downhill fast. This made me not able to skydive for at least 6 weeks- this turned into 3 months.

Ivan was following his dream of becoming an AFFI examiner through working with Skydive Ratings- the final and hardest of all ratings in the sport. This is something I had previously whole-heartedly encouraged him to do while we planned our life together. He offered to skip it for us to have a better winter but I had truly wanted him to follow his dream. Those months really taught me what it mean to support someone in following their dream. Following and supporting dreams can sound sound glamorous but actually doing it can break you. As much as those 3 months killed me, when looking at my life in the big picture, I am glad I did. Ivan, I did my very best in that situation to support you.

He wasn't making money during his apprenticeship, I was broken so couldn't teach AFF, meaning no income. He was robbed of almost everything in Madrid and after a year of traveling I couldn't spend more. His friend Eric generously gave us a trailer he owned at the dropzone. I try to be positive but there are no words to explain the challenge of living in a trailer like that: no electricity, no heat, no kitchen, black mold, smells, leaking roof, far from the bathrooms, total life uncertainty, no idea of our next life step, no income, freezing cold at night and often scorching hot in the day. It felt like we were living as animals- truly just trying for survival while fighting with everything we had for our relationship. Want to test your relationship? Go live like that, see how each other act, see if you make it through. Nah, don't, I wouldn't wish that experience on my worse enemy.

Months later, as I write this, wrist healed, sitting in Texas far from Florida, heartbroken a million times over from that experience, Ivan lost, I try my best to remember the happy times during that experience- how our silly personalities, deep love for each other, perserverence, got us each through that, onto our next chapters in life. In the big picture, surviving that makes me know I can do anything.

Here are the memories, in between pictures, with my attempt to focus on the positive:

December 26th tandem. I hadn't jumped in 6 weeks- especially challenging because we were living at a dropzone, full of happy skydivers, right after I had just been approved to teach skydiving. Ivan brought me for a tandem with my 'not from skydiving' cast. Sharing that experience together, letting me feel alive again, seeing the beautiful sunset together, reminded me why I kept fighting for this dream. He had already spoiled me the day before on Christmas and this jump I will always appreciate. P.S. I totally failed him with flying as the passenger- cannon ball on exit and trying to stand up the landing- whoops! ;) Even with my wrist healed, I wish I could somehow relive that jump.

Christmas. It was my 1st Christmas away from my family. This life-changing year has definitely brought up challenges in my family- too personal to dive into deep on the blog. The decision to not be together on Christmas was not mine and I really struggled with it leading up to the day. Ivan truly loved me and protected me through all the family pain leading up to Christmas.

Christmas day he showered me with love, presents, kisses, thoughtfulness and Christmas spirit. He bought us a matching Santa hat and reindeer ears to wear and matching stockings. I woke up to a full stocking- in it was a beautiful 'adventures and dreams' box - his phone was in it- which had a video he had made of him, my sister and parents wishing me a merry Christmas. I immediately started crying so hard- it was the best feeling of love in the world. I'll cherish his video always- and hope he deletes the one of me crying ; )

We both put so much thoughtfulness into our presents. We didn't have a car to easily shop for presents or a big house to hide them but we found ways to find the perfect presents for each other. In such an awful, awful period in our relationship, that day was all love for each other- our true relationship. I had walked 7 miles to Walmart to get his gift- pure determination.

Our friends Eric and Jenny had us over for a delicious Christmas meal with a few other friends. Carly brightened my day with her Christmas call from Costa Rica and reminiscing over our childhood Christmas memories. That day showed me the power of love to overcome anything.

Ivan filling our water each night. We had a water jug that we had to fill up at the dropzone water fountain at night. We both hated the chore yet he would do it with no complaints in the cold nights. He truly did everything he could in that situation to protect me and feel loved.

Mornings were my very least favorite moments of all parts of the hard days. My wrist would hurt each morning, getting everything gathered to go to the bathroom to brush my teeth with my cast was so challenging, it would be freezing, I would be exhausted from not sleeping well in the cold, it was a 1/2 mile walk to the bathroom, I felt disgusting. Yet each morning, Ivan would give me kisses, telling me he was the luckiest man waking up to me. That love gave me the power to face each day.

Walmart. None of this chapter is glamorous - showing me the possible joy in the simplest things of life. We always had the best time being away from the dropzone there, getting creative with what food we could cook. Sampling grapes ;) During the coldest week there, Ivan brought me to Walmart, shopped with me to find warm clothes that would 'make me feel beautiful' and bought it all for me. He refused to spend money on even a coat for himself but insisted on warm clothing for me.

The Tampa tunnel. Again, getting away from the dropzone was such a treat, something we did a few times for Ivan to coach people visiting from South America. Seeing him coach inspired me and made me so proud of him. One time when we were there, I saw a girl I had met at Chicagoland who is a newer jumper. In my head I was so upset about my wrist and not being able to fly in the tunnel. She told me how much I inspired her as a female skydiver and how she wanted me to be her mentor. It reminded me of why I have fought so hard for this dream.

Our trip to Skydive Sebastian for him to teach an AFFI course. Our Colombian friend was incredibly generous and let us stay in his nice hotel room for the week. It was such a needed break from the freezing trailer. Having that living comfort gave us a comfort again in our relationship. He worked each day and at night we had such love for each other. I loved making a treat each night for when he got home to the hotel. It was free breakfast each morning so I would take extra and make him lunch for the next day- not classy but for survival.

There was an older guy at the dropzone who befriended us and gave such support about my wrist. He was an energy healer and taught me so much about how everything in life is energy- everything.

Our trip to Deland. Again, it was such a relief to have time away from the trailer. We rented an airbnb there while he took a rating course. We drove there in a rental car at sunset, singing to music, laughing together, feeling like the old relationship we had. Having a warm room that week was incredibly comforting. The airbnb family was absolutely crazy, giving me appreciation for my family even though at the time were in a bad moment.

Simply said, the trailer was the worst of all trailers I've seen. Ivan did everything he could to make it comfortable for me- buying bedding, pillows, lights, candles, decorations, outdoor lights, a cooler, cleaning it, organizing it and creating a porch for us. I love how he always brought the most positivity to the hardest of situations. It inspired me to try my best at that too.

Sunset wine and popcorn. In days where it was so much effort to make it through with a broken wrist in a dilapidated trailer, supporting Ivan, it was so comforting to have time just the two us us. We would sit outside our trailer on the porch he made us, eat freshly popped popcorn and sip wine. We would usually talk about our dreams and all the ways we could make them happen together.

One day, a guy walked up to me, introduced himself and said I had truly changed his life by my blog and story of breaking away to change my life. In such a low of this adventure, this especially meant the world to me and gave me energy to keep fighting.

Our dinners together. We would cook food in a gear room of Skydive Rating's that had a mini fridge and microwave. It was our love and spirit that made it possible to eat like that for months. I loved having the time with just Ivan and sitting together sharing whatever we created that night. I never knew it was possible to love someone that much in the hardest of times.

Ivan making my tea each night. My stomach was on fire those months, causing me such pain. Between the wrist and stomach pain, there were so many days I thought I'd need to give up and go home to New Hampshire because I just couldn't take it. The tea was the one thing that gave relief to my stomach and Ivan would make it for me each night.

Ivan's love notes. My favorites : the card under my pillow congratulating me on my AFFI- just like he had done in Puerto Rico after my coach rating and just knowing each other less than two weeks, a love note with a pouch he made with nuts on the door of our "kitchen" telling me he was in the office, a note he gave me as I left for California- always tell to always be happy.

In Deland, we made a date night in a tiny park in their downtown. It had Christmas lights all over with a beautiful mural. We snuck in a drink and just were able to relax and be happy together.

My parents were planning to vacation in Florida for the winter- having my dad drive through Zephyrhills on his way. He planned to stop in town for a night and take Ivan and me out to dinner. At that point, the situation had gotten its worse there and he ended up arriving as a savior on New Years Day. He took me to a healthy food restaurant twice that day to re-nourish me. I had a interview at Skydive Deland and he ended up driving me there, staying 3 nights with me and showering me with love, good meals, warm hotel rooms and deep life talks. We ended up going to the healthy food restaurant (the only one in Zhills) at least 6 times and the family who owned it because family- giving us free wine, appetizers and cheesecake. I know it killed him to see me like that but his positivity shined through the entire time. I love you forever and always Dad.

This post includes the last day we saw each other. I was flying to California for a Marketing Manager interview with Skydive Perris for 5 days and my dad was driving me to Tampa that night. After Deland, we stopped back to Skydive City to help Kua Sky with a photoshoot. We had no idea this would be the last day we saw each other. As I look at the beautiful pictures from Kua Sky, it hits hard how we had no idea that was the end. Those months had broken us but we still loved each other so much and never would have guessed that was truly the end. A little more on that in a later post.

So I did it, it still kills to write about this, to look back at these pictures, to think the ways I could have handled the situation better. It also gives me such a feeling of love, determination and strength. Thank you Ivan for doing everything you could to get us through that chapter. You made me feel forever loved. Thank you Dad for all the ways you saved me with your visit. Thank you God for giving me the strength to power through.

I hope as you read this, you see the love, strength and determination to fight for dreams. Most importantly, I hope it gives you the power to push through whatever struggle you are going through. I hope it reminds us all that no matter how hard life can be, to appreciate and love the people who are the most important- because we never know when they can be taken from us so unexpectedly. And also appreciate having a warm bed, kitchen and bathroom. To appreciate the smallest of things. In the end, the pain from memories fade and it is the love that stays with us forever.