14. Hasta Luego Argentina, Me Encanta!

i write this as i take off from argentina. until the last second dasha and i are sending selfies of us drinking wine, sending endless kisses and lots of !!! about panama in two weeks. i have music blasting and crying as we take off. i have the worst time saying goodbyes to people and places i love – i knew this was going to be a challenge traveling but when i really have to do it DAMN it is hard. today marcelo joked “so pick a place, any place to meet in 2 weeks…oh did you say panama? perfect! see you there in 2 weeks!” a lot of the people i was with will all be going to the pepe island panama boogie so I feel extremely lucky i’ll see them again so soon. but still….so hard to say goodbye.

#1 letting people in: as I look back on the past two weeks there is so much in my head. as I spent the last day with dasha- eating lunch with marcelo and then sitting together on ale’s porch in the pouring rain, buying super hero costumes for panama (dad, don’t freak when you see me spending my money on this on your amazon account), it hit hard about how closed off i have been to really letting people in. going to a place where i knew absolutely no one, a place that was so far from home and meeting strangers who are the most beautiful people- and letting them go from strangers to family in two weeks. i am so incredibly lucky that these strangers were so loving, so giving, so determined to make me feel at home. it shocked me at how hard it was so let down my walls, my doubts about myself and just let them love me, give to me, treat me with kindness as if i was their family. i always am determined to be so independent but these people taught me how to accept love and just let that be. it’s easier for me to give than receive but i realize i can’t fully be close with people if i don’t let it go both ways. i know i still have work to do this but they broke down the walls like no one ever has. especially you dasha! believing in the goodness of people and believing in their belief in you.

#2: slowing down: as we sat at lunch today, all eating these salmon salads, with it raining around us as we are under an umbrella, dasha holding me in her arms in a shall, this damn yellow bus drove by 3 times- the bus that dasha 3 weeks ago told me i should ride the city to see. it tours the whole city with 3 different routes, lets you jump off and on as you please and tells you all about the city. somehow through 2 weeks i didn’t find 2 weeks to do this. literally it was the 1 thing I had planned when i arrived yet i didn’t get to it. this of course is because so many other amazing plans happened. but still, the 1 thing. in that moment, i realized yet again I need to SLOW DOWN. i have a tendency to always plan so much, to always be so busy and go, go, go. this makes a full life but there is also a balance- sometimes it’s too much, too fast. as i look at leaving for colombia on monday, i want slowing down to be a goal. taking a day to just sit on a beach, taking a day to sit in a coffee shop, taking a day to hike- and learn how to do that when i’m not traveling. living a full life but always living with intention.

#3: learning how to always take care of myself while traveling: this was also a big message- i thought I had this down but traveling makes all of that different. with everything so new, it is easy to get wrapped up in that and forget about myself. seeing roberta having this perfected made me strive to be strong like that. hearing about her workout apps, hearing about how she is always on the road yet she has her workout apps, comfortable outfits, her workout apps, night crèmes, compact bathroom kit, well organized suitcase, vitamins in her purse gave me such inspiration. learning how to say no to the foods that make me sick, how to better prepare with food, how to turn down those excessive glasses of wine (so hard though!), gives me lessons for the rest of traveling. i want to make taking care of myself while traveling a priority- so that this is natural to me traveling or not. if i don’t feel well i don’t think all the other parts of life are full possible.

#4: LETTING GO. learning to not take it all seriously. letting things be. to be able to laugh at myself. to let the things that don’t matter, not matter. to care about what really does matter. letting go of the BS. letting go of attachment. letting go of San Diego for a while. letting go of self doubt. letting go of a plan. letting go of the person i fell so hard for. letting go of what didn’t work in the past. letting go of the life i had planned and letting new things happen. being able to say, THAT doesn’t matter, i’m letting it go. just breathing.

#5: gratitude, astonishment. i want more, and holy shit did that trip really just happen?! did i really just meet all of those amazing people? so many moments of growth, challenge, doubt…but wait, I really need more time there, don’t make me go home. two weeks is the longest I’ve spent in one place traveling since I was 18 and somehow it still wasn’t enough. through the highs, the learnings, adrenaline, what-the-heck-did-I-just- do-with-life –in-san-diego, laughs, trust, love, the feeling of gratitude surrounds it all. i now realize it is truly the hardest thing I have ever done- to leave literally everything in my life in san diego, to break away, dive into a completely different culture, to be okay with having no plan, really struggle with the language, let strangers help me, find challenge in how hard it is to simply let go, saying bye to that guy i had fallen so hard for, feel my body negatively react to food, to struggle with letting people in, letting my little sister support me, to believe in myself. to let those challenges turn into a beautiful trip of a lifetime is an amazing feeling.

dasha, ale, marcelo, amalia, juan, steve, roberta, adrian, dasha’s kids, ale’s family and all skydivers… there are truly no words to thank you for our time together. i treasure all that you taught me simply by welcoming me, loving me and supporting the journey I am on. i hope sometime i can welcome you into my home in san diego or wherever i end up…but until then, please know i will always treasure the time together. i thank you with my whole heart.